Theories

A friend of mine, this morning, posted a link to another one of Michele Bachmann's crazy-ass ideas. Michele Bachmann is one of many who thinks we should be teaching "intelligent design" in our schools, because the government shouldn't teach one side of an uncertain issue without touching the other side. She is another of those "evolution is just a theory" nutjobs. I wish that news coverage of these people would first and foremost explain what a scientific theory is. Relativity is a theory. Gravity is a theory. These theories are developed based on observable facts and logic, especially logic. How can anybody make an assertion that something that has not been peer-reviewed, something that can never be peer reviewed because there is absolutely nothing to support it, belongs in schools?

I am taking a class next semester called "the evolution-creationism controversy." This is something about which I am passionate. Science education is necessary, not only for the US to be competitive in the future, but also because the development of critical thinking helps people analyze the world around them, and make better decisions in life. Critical thinking from science education has helped me in every aspect of my life from work to judging the reliability of a narrator in a work of fiction. Creationism, "intelligent design," whatever you want to call it, does not develop any of these skills, aside from being nowhere near anything that could be considered a valid or testable theory. Creationism breeds zombies. I know that sometimes I am exasperated with the state of our country, but I know also that I was privileged to grow up here in freedom and have the opportunity to learn about science without an intrusive government agenda. Should people like the Tea Party and Michele Bachmann gain any sort of real power and disassemble our educational system, we would be headed towards a religious state. To me, this is like the concept in social psychology where once you get your foot in the door, you can pretty much do anything. When people agreed to display a tiny "drive safely" sign in their car window, these people were far more likely to agree to put a giant billboard in their front lawn than somebody who hadn't been asked the original request. We can't let the crazies get their feet in our doors.

Science is science. Science is not religion. Science is observable. Science changes and improves. Science is not out to get people, it is out to help us understand the world in which we live. When Michele Bachmann gets sick, I'm sure she goes to a doctor and takes medicine, which has been tested. Just because we haven't observed that taking that pill doesn't cause your head to explode doesn't mean that it isn't a possibility that it could happen. It's a theory, based on extensive trials, that taking it will make you better.

Michele Bachmann is a racist and a homophobe. I'm sure that if she were president and some local schools decided that it was in their best interest to teach that being homosexual is a-okay, she would find a way to stop that from happening at the federal level. She's trying her damndest to control peoples' ability to marry the ones they love. Maybe she should get her goddamn nose out of everybody's business and go learn the definition of scientific theory.

ass like that

Shocking title? No, just the name of the kickball team I joined. I didn't know what the name was when I joined the team, but apparently it came from a random wikipedia search (how? I do not know.) These are our illustrious shirts.

Gonna wear this puppy with pride and dignity. Anyway, I had been waffling about whether or not to join the team, but I am SO glad that I did. Everybody is really nice, and even though I got out both times last night (had a sweet kick though... outfielder came out of NOWHERE and caught it!), I had a ball. Of course, we went out for drinks afterward. I had to leave around 11 or so, because I do have to go to work on Fridays. This guy, Gary, is probably the funniest person I have met in ages, and one girl, Morgan, seems really nice and we have really similar interests. She is a communications major, and she wants to do ecotourism in South America. That sounds like the best idea ever! It's good to know that now I have some friends, even if it's only Thursday nights. I also made a pretty sweet backup play. OH, AND WE FREAKIN' CRUSHED THE OTHER TEAM!! YEAAAAAAAAH.

In work news, I think I'm actually almost done developing my plan. It's like 8 pages long right now. I just have to fill in some goals/objectives, and further flesh out religious programs, scout programs, college programs, internet stuff, and evaluations. I met with the communications manager (she's the whole department) from the contracting company that runs all of my agency's facilities, and she was saying that when they were saying they wanted to get an intern to do this, she was really dubious, and thought it was a bit of a tall order for an *intern*, but she is amazed at the work I am doing! We were supposed to just have a brief meeting this morning, but we ended up talking for almost 2 hours, and very little of it was business related. Oops. But, we were talking about how it seems like I'm almost writing a job for myself to return next year, since they'll need to hire somebody to administrate my programs.

... Which got me to thinking. Would I take a full time job here next year? I know my agency loves hiring former interns, and I really like my boss, and the people I work with are for the most part wonderful, and it would be doing the things I want to be doing... but I have hardly even considered going straight into the workforce. Unless, of course, that meant moving to Scotland and going straight into the work force. I just feel so hell bent on giving myself some time... "finding myself," whatever. I want to go abroad again. I don't think I want to spend the rest of my life in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. This state frightens me a little bit, sometimes. I want so badly to get the Fulbright English teaching assistant job (that I REALLY need to start applying for now). I keep thinking about Teach for America. I spent all of high school thinking I wanted to be a teacher, but I don't know if I could do it. And the Peace Corps... that would be amazing. There are just too many things out there that I could do. I just don't know which ones will make me happy.

I feel far more adjusted and settled now. I'm still working on figuring out some things in my life and all that, but I have to admit it's getting better. It's getting better all the time. I'm looking forward to Summerfest, and I'm going to get to see Kathryn (and Mariella?!?!?) next weekend, so I'm excited about that, even if I'm not excited to drive across the freaking country (I hope hope hope a last min. fare will be available). My family might be coming up Sunday. That would be fun... there are a bunch of restaurants I've been wanting to try! Also, this weekend is Polish Fest and Lakefront Arts Fest, so I may try to hit those up, though, tomorrow morning I have to spend four hours at a farmers' market talking to people about rain barrels. AT LEAST I GET TO BE OUTSIDE!!! Maybe even pick up some delicious, delicious veggies. Yum.

one leap forward, two leaps back

It's pouring! I was enjoying spending mucho outside time the last few days, but today was just gross so I couldn't really go outside. I feel cooped up. Cabin FEVER. I took a bike ride yesterday that was pretty nice, since it was kind of chilly and I didn't feel like running. I went by a bunch of really cool places that I would like to hit up at some point.

I bought so much fruit yesterday. I'm excited to eat all of it. I made stir fry with tofu. So delicious. This blog is getting inane quickly. I felt like I had something to say yesterday, but I've forgotten what it was. I should write things down when I think of them, but I don't.

I need to start my thesis. I was supposed to have done my lit review by now, but I've barely started. Shit.

Still very few friends. Kickball starts tomorrow (if the weather doesn't keep being ridonk), and I'm pretty excited about that. Then, Friday night with Nick an his friends. My family might come this weekend. I hope they do. I think it's PolishFest this weekend. That should be delightful. Monday, the roomie and I are going to get a beer if the weather's nice and on Wednesday, we're doing trivia at the bar down the street. Had an intern field trip today, barely talked to anybody.

I have a meeting with a lot of the staff on Monday, and I'm a little scared. I don't know exactly how to do what I'm doing, and so I'm mostly just winging it (because they don't know what they're doing either. They know I don't really know what I'm doing, but still. Winging it.) and I'm afraid they will think it is dumb or something. Gotta get over that.

My aunt offered me tickets to Solid Sound Fest next week. If I had known earlier, I could maybe have afforded a plane ticket, but now I can't. Plus, I'm already going to Buffalo because we are putting grandpa's ashes in the ground. At least I will get to see Kathryn, and Mariella might come up from NJ. I haven't seen her in years and years. and YEARS.

Hopefully, I can get my last week off work. I realized that there is no effing way that I can manage the end work the 19th, be back at school on the 21st. I also want to visit one of my friends whom I haven't seen since I was in Scotland. I haven't seen so many friends in so long. So sad. SO sad.

I think I drive people away from me sometimes. I say dumb things that I tend not even to mean, really. Shit gets weird. Friends go away. Wop wop. I can always sense that change right before you know you're never going to hear from the person again, and I think that we might have gone over that brink, which is a shame, because I counted the individual in question as a great friend. I am stupid. The end.

it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood

lesson of the day: how to get unwanted stares at the beach

1) go to your normal job at your office, dressed for work. this includes high heeled oxfords.
2) check your calendar, notice that somebody who is not your supervisor has scheduled a field trip for you that afternoon.
3) accept field trip request because it's such a nice day
4) drive to field site with not-actually-supervisor
5) walk across beach with man who is old enough to be your father, and who is also wearing office clothes. remember, you are wearing heels in sand.
6) revel in the awkwardness.

So, that field trip reminded me of how much I wanted to go to the beach for real. So as soon as I got home from work, I put on my bathing suit, and of course spent half an hour debating whether or not I could actually go out in public wearing it. I settled on putting some shorts and a tank top over it. The shorts were a little short for biking, so, uh, I probably mooned half of Milwaukee. But I mean, I was wearing swim bottoms, so it was okay.

The weather was just amazing. Truly gorgeous. I sat on the beach for a few hours reading and watching some cute boys play volleyball (they were REALLY bad though!). I should have gotten a beer. That would have been refreshing. Anyway, then I rode back to my apartment (the hill from the beach up is craaazy man) and realized that I am terribly out of shape, since I was winded after that one hill. Hopefully, by the end of the summer I will be SUPER FIT. I think I'll go for a run tomorrow, if the weather continues to be so nice. I realized that my Chicagoland YMCA card does not, in fact, work in Milwaukee. So I'm thinking about joining Anytime Fitness, as it is right across the street. However, my roommate works at the JCC so I could go with her and work out for free, but our schedules don't line up too well. Convenience, convenience. I really want to be strong again. I miss my throwing days, not that I was actually that strong or anything, but I could lift up a lot more things back then.

We're gonna build something this summer.

Yesterday was beyond delightful. Andrea, Lemons, Tara, and I went out to Emmett's for drinks. Emmett's brews some mighty fine beer, if'n I do say so myself. If any of you communicated with me yesterday, you probably experienced some of my drunken antics. I do apologize. But it was really the best time I've had since returning from Scotland in December. Andrea is moving to New Zealand in a week, which is just about the saddest thing ever. Okay, exaggeration. But anyway, all my friends are going soooo far away! Or are already so far away. I guess that I kind of also intend to be far away after I graduate, but I don't know if I would want to go right away. I mean, I really, really, really want to get back to Edinburgh, but will all my friends be there after they graduate? None of them is actually from Edinburgh... Have I just made it this idealized place? I was thinking about that this morning. In any case, if I miraculously found a job there after I graduated, I would almost certainly take it.

I like that I am leaving my apartment more and more. I'm starting a kickball league on Thursday. I suppose I'd better learn the rules. Figure it'll be a good way to meet some cool folks! My parents are probably coming up this weekend, which should be swell.

I'm exhausted. Today was quite the day. I hope tomorrow brings more of the same :)

We've Got to Stay Positive (Or, There are Clearly too Many References to the Hold Steady in my Life)

I have a goal for the summer. It is a very small goal, but I think it will make a huge difference in my life. It has been a goal of mine for such a long time, but now I am very, very committed. I listen to myself complaining to my friends, my family, people whom I have just met. I need to stop. I hear myself, and I try, but once you pop, you just can't stop.

Here are the facts: I have my wonderful family, I have an apartment, I have a cool roommate, I have a job, I have a car, I have the best friends I could ever ask for (so they are scattered across the US and the UK, and very few happen to be in my direct geographic locality, but they are amazing nonetheless). I want to thank all of you for putting up with my negativity and still being willing to be my friend. I absolutely do not deserve your patience. But I am going to try very hard to stop it, because I am sick of myself.

Last night was Relay for Life. It came at the end of a (no good very bad terrible) horrible day, that was only horrible by my internal exaggeration. There's a lyric in a Hold Steady (of course) song, "It's not always a positive thing/to see a few seconds into the future." Every time I do something, the possible negative outcome(s) immediately pops into my head. When this happens, that usually becomes the end result, as implausible as it may seem. Am I sabotaging myself? Is there really power to positive thinking? Who knows, but perhaps it is worth a try. I embarrassed myself today, then I spent the entire drive home from Milwaukee steaming about it, and preying on my unfortunate ramble victims (you know who you are and I love you all).

I didn't really want to come home, surprisingly, but I'm glad I did. Last year, at Relay, during the Luminaria Lap, I never would have expected that one year later, I would be standing in front of both my grandmother and my grandfather's luminaria. Without my even saying it, my mom exactly echoed my thought while we stood staring dumbly at the two tiny white paper bags, lit with glow sticks on the track at my old high school. Of course, I was crying. I couldn't find Jeff. I was upset. After walking once more around the track with my mom, he was there in front of the luminaria. The three of us stood there hugging and crying for a long time. It doesn't seem real, still, to me. In two weeks, we are finally going to bury my grandfather's ashes. Those of you who were my readers during my time in Scotland will recall that he died in November. The ashes aren't going to be able to go in the place he requested. I don't know how I feel about the whole thing. Sometimes I take out a pen and a piece of paper to start writing a letter, and then I remember that I can't. Anyway, Relay is always an amazing and heartwarming experience, as much as I complain about how inevitably cold and miserable the weather is. Jeff's band played, and raised $50 by saying that their bassist would take off his shirt when enough money came in. That sounds slightly less than legal, but hey, money for cancer research is good. I have to write thank you notes to the people in my office at Agency X whom I do not know, but donated to me anyway. Then I have to find their offices. Such nice people.

After experiencing some westbound MKE traffic, I don't want to have to drive to Minneapolis for Independence Day. While it would be nice to spend it with the family, I'd have to drive at least 12 hours over my three day weekend, and the gas would still cost at least $100. I could take that money and put it towards visiting Kathryn (we realized the other day that we have been best friends since the second day of kindergarten- awwww) in Rochester, or going to DC, or visiting another friend in Colorado (a place I have ALWAYS wanted to go and never been). I wish I would have some free time this summer, but it doesn't look like I'll be able to get out much earlier than the 19th, and my pre-fall term class is the miraculous entity that will allow me to graduate on time.

I think my brain is dying. I've been leaving my water bottle at home, forgetting to put my lunch in the fridge, and doing other stupid things. I had a whole tray of vegetable seedlings to bring my mom, and I left them on my desk at the office. I remembered my toothbrush, but I forgot to bring home my deodorant. I forgot to bring work clothes home with me so I may have to go home Sunday night instead of going straight to work Monday morning. I go to the grocery store to buy something specific, and forget to buy it. I come home and want to bring something specific back, and don't remember it. I drive somewhere and have no idea how I got from point A to point B. I've always been a scatterbrain, but I feel this is extreme and I dislike it immensely.

I've been having some self-image issues lately. On the one hand, I feel like I have been looking pretty good lately (though, I haven't been losing total weight, it seems). My face looks older (in a good way), and less round, and my hair has been really nice lately, aside from the ridiculous humidity. But my seeming inability to make friends has made me question myself, or my approach to talking with people, or something like that. On the other hand, my boss at Agency X has had nothing but great things to say about my work. He looked at my initial outline and said he loved it and I was full of great ideas, and then again, today, he told me how impressed he was with my work from yesterday, and he's adding me on to another important project.

I need to go to a concert soon. I need to start dancing again. I don't ever feel as good or as beautiful as I do when I'm dancing. The last time I went, one of the best dancers there said I was a great follow, and I could feel myself improving as the night went on. Having not danced for about a year before that, I was just beaming at the praise. I missed an opportunity to dance on Wednesday night while I was being an idiot. I need to live a little. I'm going to stay positive.

Hey Remember That Time...

I am CONSTANTLY losing this story, so it shall be here forever.

I didn't even see the box fly out of your grip and across the room until it hit me square in the forehead. Remember that day? We were drunk and I needed a smoke so I asked you but you only had Kools and frankly, those are shit. I know I ask you for a lot, but you said you'd do anything for me as long as I did your laundry, so I thought asking you to go down to the gas station and buy me some Parliaments would be fine, but I guess not. All those days of football with the guys had really improved your arm since I met you and that nearly full box struck me square in the forehead and instead of pain, I felt anger and hate and the walls blurred (it could have been because I was wasted, but I'll always blame it on you) and I fell. When I got up, you were standing over me with puppy eyes, but I didn't care, I hated you, so I ran. Well, first i rolled over and pulled myself up and smacked you, but then I climbed out the window of the apartment and ran down the fire escape, because the elevator wasn't fast enough to get away. I was barefoot and I stepped on glass (probably from one of our late nights out there) and the rain poured down, washing the blood away as I descended. But I never got to the bottom. I saw a huddled mass of feathers a few floors below me and slowed down, ninety percent from exhaustion (when you're drunk, six floors is a long way to climb down, but I've always been one for the dramatic exit) and ten percent from curiosity. I didn't want to touch it, so I sat there, trying to decide what to do, which was lucky, I guess, because it gave you time (the knight in shining armor that you are) to catch up with me. By that time, I had picked up the bird in my arms and discovered its broken wing and all the while my foot bled more until it was numb and I ceased to notice the pain. You picked us both up (the bird and me, I mean) and carried us down the rest of the fire escape silently; it was not a time for words. You brought us into the lobby and carried us up the stairs, because the elevator wasn't fast enough. I don't know why I let you take me, but it was probably because I was tired and drunk and hurt, but (even though I don't want to) I believe I will always love you even if you are a worthless drunk who can't even get me the right brand of cigarettes.